Fall From Grace
by ManjoumesAsuka
Summary: Okay, I'm not great at these summary things, but here goes nothing. Manjoume's been depressed for a long time, and no matter what, he just can't seem to pull himself out of it. Rated [T] for suicidal themes in later chapters. Angsty fic.


Fall From Grace

By: ManjoumesAsuka

Chapter One

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A/N: Okay, this story's gonna be from Manjoume's POV. Its not very long, and I'm, sorry about that, the next one will be a lot longer if I get some reviews on this one. Also, please don't flame me. I'll take constructive critcism, bit flaming makes me sad, lol. Okay, I'll stop stalling now, here's chapter one.

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By now, I had come to the conclusion that I could sleep all day long and still not get a good night's rest. I guess you can say that it came with the package of depression I had opened somewhere around three months ago, and the 'gift' was still kicking. It was as new as it was when I first diagnosed myself, and with the way it held up, I never thought it would ever come to leave me, pass away, make life worth living again.

Yeah, I missed those days, missed the days when time didn't stand still on a murky hour, back when the clock actually worked and the hands weren't stuck to the point of making a minute feel like a decade, a second feeling like a year, and believe me I'm not exaggerating.

With a sluggish groan, I forced myself into a sitting position, my head aching the second after it left the pillow. As of lately, everything seemed to ache, throb, twinge, hurt, whatever. I was seventeen going on eighteen, but it was beginning to feel like I was actually going on sixty instead. How sad is that?

Grabbing the bottle of sedatives from my nightstand, I shook it out into my palm, only to realized that there wasn't a single pill left to ease me back into the realm of slumber, nothingness, avoidance… Normally, this would've aggravated me, but somehow I couldn't find the energy for that, or much of anything else, rather.

The blinding sunbeams weren't agonizing my eyes from the window at the moment, so I figured it was late in the afternoon when I woke up. The day wasn't over yet, what a pity. I tried to remember what the date was, but my memory failed me yet again. It was starting to feel like my mind was deteriorating or something, like maybe I was losing it, but then again I was too young for that, wasn't I?

I looked around for my duster, wondering where I could've thrown the ragged thing. My room was a heaping mess, clothing pilled over clothing, random things thrown around… My gaze lifted to that crisp Obelisk blazer hanging off to the side, veiled by a sheet of plastic. God, how I missed sporting the old thing, but mostly I missed the respect I had gotten while sporting it. I lowered my gaze. "Never again…"

I couldn't find the duster after a few minutes, so I just decided to forget about, on my feet again for what had seemed like the only time this week. I couldn't seem to remember the last time I had gotten something to eat, as my stomach gurgled, begging to be fed. Was I starving? Maybe, I mean, my bones somehow felt a bit more defined then usual, and my clothes were extra loose.

Careless as to what I looked like, I pulled open the door and left my room, heading for the Osiris cafeteria. For once it what had seemed like ever, I didn't even care if I were to bump into Judai and the others once I got there. When was the last time I had seen them, save for during class? Ah, who cares anyway?

The dingy place was as crowded with red rejects as always, but then again, who was I to judge? It wasn't like I was any better, especially after the losing streak I seemed to have been on lately. My heart wasn't in the game anymore, as Judai would say. It kind of annoyed me at first, but as of now I was starting to agree with that simple explanation.

I could feel their eyes on me, all of them, gawking at me like I was some kind of freak. I could even hear a few of them whisper, but I managed to ignore it all, my gaze on the floor as I approached the line to get my tray.

"Wow, he _really _let himself go..."

"I'll say, but then again, who _didn't _see that coming?"

I couldn't help but twitch slightly as they discussed me, acting as if I wasn't even there, as if I couldn't even hear them. I fought to hold it together. They'd just make fun of me more if I lost it, wouldn't they? They'd think it was hilarious, they'd never stop talking about it. They'd love nothing more than to watch me fall apart…

I heard snickers from all around me as I picked up my trap, making my way to a deserted table, where I'd sit alone, the way I usually did, poking at my food with a fork. Where had my appetite gone? I wondered, as I took a bite. I didn't dare look up from my tray, I just couldn't…

"Manjoume-sanda!" Came a familiar voice, completely breaking my train of thoughts. It was a lively voice, and it belonged to my long-time rival.

Judai plopped down beside me, an energetic look on his face. I sighed heavily, diverting my gaze to the side of me.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he said, sounding just as bubbly and carefree as always.

"How many times have I told not to call me that," I said, dryly, in reference to the 'sanda' added on to my surname.

"Aww, c'mon, you used to always cal yourself that, don't you remember?" The brunette poked me in the side, playfully.

"What do you want," I asked, flatly, my cheek resting in my palm.

"What do you mean?" Judai shrugged, watching me play with my food, pushing it around with my fork.

"Never mind," I answered, too detached to come up with any kind of explanation. It was always the same when Judai came to pester me, and I was sick of countering his friendly remarks.

"So what's new," he asked me, his eyes glued to me as I continued to look away from him.

I shrugged, not even bothering to reply. It wasn't like I could anyhow, I mean, everything's the same when you're not paying attention, when you're merely going through the phases of a bleak life.

Sho walked over, along with Kenzan and the rest of the gang. After a few seconds had passed, they began conversing, and I was then left out and forgotten as usual. It didn't bother me, though. Inwardly I knew that nobody liked me, that nobody cared enough to ask me how I was. I know what you're thinking, but Judai didn't count. He was nice to everyone, but was also the most oblivious guy on the planet.

I was about to carry my hardly-touched meal to the trash, when Judai prodded me, asking if I was going to eat it. Without answering, I merely slid it over to him and left the table behind, walking out through the doorway.

The weather was dull and dismal, fitting my mood almost perfectly. It was dusky out by then, and then sun was making its way down the horizon. As I was greeted by the humid air, I began to wonder if getting a bite to eat was even worth dragging myself out of bed over, I mean, it wasn't like I ate more than two forks of whatever it was.

I know that if my niisans were here at this very moment, they'd blow up on me, asking me why the hell I was wasting my life like this. According to them time was money, and money wasn't something to be thrown around carelessly, the way I was treating it.

I knew by now that I wasn't anything like my siblings were, I wasn't successful and I'd never be, as they had told me so many times. All I was, was a defect in the family, a pitiful child who couldn't manage to do anything right, let alone do his part in the Manjoume group. It was a shame that my family didn't realize this sooner, maybe then they wouldn't have ripped my childhood away from my replacing it with vigorous studying and overachievement. I wasn't the only one to realize that I had grown up way too fast.

Maybe I shouldn't have even been born, that would have made things a lot more easier on my brothers. That way, they wouldn't have had to throw away so much time and money on me the way they had. I was nothing but a miserable nobody, just like they had announced to the entire student body after I had failed to win that inter-school duel with Judai.

I climbed up the steps, reaching the porch of the Osiris dorm. I gave my outside surroundings one last glance, before heading back into my dwellings and shutting the door behind me.

Even I couldn't believe how far I had fallen, coming to the harsh realization that I was nothing but an amateur Obelisk who fell from his high and mighty position, hitting rock bottom face first, knowing that I had no latter to climb back up on. Who would have guessed that I would have lost everything to my name like this?

I remembered the better days, back when I was far too blind to notice what was in store for me in the future, the days when I was happy, when I wasn't so hopeless, back when I actually believe that I was worth something.

I would've given everything I could at this point if I could just turn back the hands of time, if I could just relish in the fact that everything was okay, way back when I didn't have so much emotional baggage to weight me down like I have now.

I let myself collapse there, on my enormous bed, staring up at the ceiling, lazily. If my life was truly this horrible right now, then what would it be like up ahead, after I graduated? As I had been wallowing in my pool of self pity, I never once thought of that.

I laid there for what had seemed like hours, the moon revealing itself through my window's glass, thought after thought crossing my mind until I could barely keep my eyes open. That's when I had finally closed my heavy eyelids, shrouding my world in darkness. Another day out of the way…


End file.
